1. |
Not Okay
04:01
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You said you need time
to go out and find
whatever it is you need to be alright
You said, "honey, you and I
I don't think we'll survive
so kiss me long, 'cause this is goodbye"
And you left me on the floor
with your breath smelling like war
and you walked back in your garage door
I wept so hard,
that all my shame turned to scars
and my trembling hands could barely start the car
But I drove away
to a distant place
where I could forget your face
Pull relief from the drawer
just let the warmth escape my core
I've lost the one thing I was put here for
You took forever
and gave it away
Hope you find something better
but I wish you had stayed
And so if you ever
think I'm okay
Just remember
three words I'll say:
"No I am not, I'm not okay
I'm not okay"
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2. |
Broken Spokes
05:26
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Towards the end
The cycle's different but
Somehow just the same
So my friend
We were so persistent and
No one is to blame
But fault follows me
Like a plague
And bends me 'till I break
I know it seems that this will remain but
People die, we move on
Nothing stays the same
And I don't think I've ever been more afraid
'cause I am just a shell and nothing more
I'm asking why
I finally had the chance to say goodbye
To turn my back on everything,
Set fire to this life
I've realized
That though the lights seem dim tonight
The horizons burning bright
And everything will be alright tonight
Now and then
My indifference is
Swayed by the winds of change
I just pretend
That this is existence is
More than just a game
But self doubt cuts me
Like a blade, and
I fear I may never stand up straight
I know
It's probably my fate, but
Fuck these lies, and fuck this body that's a cage
'Cause I am just a shell
And nothing more
I'm asking why
I finally had the chance to say goodbye
To turn my back on everything,
Set fire to this life
I've realized
That though the lights seem dim tonight
The horizons burning bright
And everything will be alright tonight
When I finally close my eyes
It'll be with an answer; I hope
That I leave this place, this shell,
And this bike with broken spokes
And maybe there'll be meaning
In the things that I wrote
But a poet's just a man
That you didn't know
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3. |
Chris' Song
04:12
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I'll roll out the carpet
If you get in the cockpit
And fly into the forest
To see if you'd notice
The pieces of me
That have been missing for weeks
You're wearing my heart
Like it's jewelry
And that's fine with me.
In fact I prefer it
You've given me courage
To feel what I want
Even if I am wrong
And I don't want to hurt this
But it's about being honest
And if I speak truthfully
I think that maybe you might see
So listen to me
'Cause the best thing to do
Is what I'm about to
I'm taking the wheel to steer
Keep my love with you
Find something that defines you.
There is nothing to fear
So please my dear,
Just get out of here.
I'm just a ship
That is anchored to shore
I'm the edge of a cliff
I'm a goddamn closed door
And you are a girl
With the world in your hands
Slap fate hard across the face
If you could write your own plans
So if you feel sad
For that love you mistook
On the same page doesn't work
If we're in different books
Remember that
I am just a lie.
Time has a knack for making
Bad things look good
And everything you say
Will be misunderstood
Dusk brought the tears for letting life pass you by
Put your drinks up for cheers,
This is last call tonight
And don't shed a tear,
Just get out of here.
Now I'm drunk as hell
With this pen in my hand
And it doesn't even matter
That I wrote this song
Just to feel at home
My self-pitying interpretation
Because the hardest part
Of being alone
Is that there's no one there
To notice.
And now you're gone
I'm left lingering on
And all I have is this song
So let me disappear,
Just get out of here.
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4. |
Balloon Losing Air
05:12
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Lately I feel like a balloon losing air
Trying to pretend that this hole isn’t there
The truth is I’m sinking and feeling kind of scared
When my lungs are exhausted I’ll still be tied to this chair
This knot that you left me will never go away,
Like a car that has me pinned to a tree that won’t give way
It’s what holds me together and kills me just the same
Not now and then, but every day
Well not now and then, but every day
Maybe I’m wrong and it’s all in my head
But when she’s talking I hear your voice instead
And that’s why my patience was as thin as a thread
When I freaked out and left cause of what she said
If you were to come back then baby I swear
I’d be a good little Christian; I’d say all my prayers
There’d be no use for my drinking or these pointless affairs
It’s my dysfunctional way to keep unaware
My dysfunctional way to keep unaware
I’ve been scared of turning this page
So many things that I’ll never say
But if death should turn my way
Blinding light, just take me away
Someday I’ll call you and play a mean questionnaire
And the sound of my voice will bring you to tears
And suddenly the pain will be too much to bear
And you’ll whisper the words, “Baby come here”
Drinking coffee late thinking, and all I know
Is that lies will keep you warm when the truth makes you cold
So I make up these stories where you come home
Being crazy feels better than being alone
Yeah being crazy feels better than being alone
And I don’t have the words to spare
For these things that I’m trying to share
I’ve been trying to take care
‘Cause I’m a balloon losing air
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5. |
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Things seem so opposite
More and more
Everyday
I'm asleep when I'm wide awake
And the sun shines
When it rains
Feels like I'm lying when
I'm telling the truth
And it hurts
How it pains
When they ask how I'm doing
And i just smile in reply
I say "Thanks
I'm okay"
I'm just stumblin'
I'm just drunk again
It's not my fault anyway
Just some song I wrote
Just some heart I broke
Another ball and chain
My father put down his guitar
And he spoke
His refrain
He said "You can write songs 'till you're blue in the face
But son nothin's
Gonna change"
And I think of that now as I'm writing this down
trying to catch
Your gaze
With some pretty words, wrapped in metaphors
Hoping I can leave you
On a page
Take what's killing me,
Light it with kerosene,
Turn and walk away
May each verse I write
Be my last compromise
To simply numb the pain
Because you know as well as I do
That these things will fade
I know a woman who lives alone
In a house
Down the way
Who wears a beautiful gown
And a thorny crown
And hangs paintings without frames
She waters her plants
And feeds her shepard dog that's locked up
With no name
And every now and again
Something falls and breaks
And darkness leads the way
'Cause when her husband died
There was no blinding light
Just an empty grave
Now her hallowed god
Is just a calloused fraud
And no one's ever saved
Sometimes I hear her sing songs so true
They remind me
Of a place
That I've never been
But her voice captures me, and I'm forced
To retrace
The steps to her door
Where I hide and listen, 'till her dog barks
From its cage
And she straightens up
Looks right at me, and demands
In a wispy way
She says "Who are you?"
"What are you going to do?"
Come out and show your face
I said "Ma'm I've tried
My entire life
To try and answer that phrase
But if you sing another song,
I think we'd be
Okay
And should we all die tomorrow
At least we had
Today
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